Deadspin
With just four games on the 4 o'clock table, three turned out to be amazing, while the fourth turned out to be Denver-Oakland, which was still passable as a competitive event.
There's suddenly a three-way tie for the final playoff spot in the NFC: Minnesota, Arizona, and Detroit are all 6-6. Chicago, Washington, Philadelphia, and Carolina all hang at 5-7. The rankings and computers will have a tough time picking one of those four teams to play in the ... wait, wrong league.
Let's get to the games, and if you want to, pretend I'm the online version of Terry Bradshaw, typing the recaps in one long run-on sentence:
• One of the sickest trick plays I've ever seen came in the Browns-Cardinals game on a 2-point conversion, where kick returner Josh Cribbs lined up at tailback, Derek Anderson faked the "walk over to the deaf-ass wideout to explain the play," and the snap went to Cribbs, who faked the draw and tapped into his Kent State quarterbacking skills, lobbing the ball to Kellen Winslow. There were about three spices of fake in there. Simply stunning, and it came off a questionable long touchdown by Braylon Edwards in which he appeared to have been down by contact.
Fat lot of good it did, though, because Arizona was able to stave off the equine nads of Derek Anderson's last-second, 4th-down heave into the end zone, which was caught by Kellen Winslow but was pushed out of bounds and ruled out. (I watched this game out of free will over the Bears-Giants, if you hadn't noticed.) Cardinals 27, Browns 21
• McCown Comma Josh added one more passing score for a total of three on the day, and Justin Fargas made Father Huggy Bear proud with 142 yards and a touchdown of his own. Raiders 34, Broncos 20
• The Luke variety of McCown was equally successful in the Big Easy, overcoming a safety sack and chucking a touchdown with 14 seconds left to wrap up the come-from-behind victory. There must be something in the McCown genes that must... wait, I've just been told that the Eagles have officially signed legal papers changing A.J. Feeley's name to A.J. McCown. Buccaneers 27, Saints 23
• And the Embattled Quarterback Who Somehow Found A Way To Win Award goes to ... [cuts envelope open, blows into it for added effect] Eli Manning!
P.A. Voiceover Lady: "This Is Eli Manning's 12th nomination and 8th win of the season." Giants 21, Bears 16
Okay, enough tomfoolery. Tonight you will get an AFC North showdown between the hottest 4-7 team, the Cincinnati Bengals, and the 8-3 Pittsburgh Steelers, whose stadium's turf finally got the last drops of water out of its ear. In short, it's a "Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass" kinda night. See ya next time.
Comments
Um, Suss? It's raining in Pittsburgh again.
Joy.
I was hoping for a picture of Winslow getting tossed out of bounds.
The Raiders have won two games against the AFC West this year...I haven't been able to say that in a long long time.
Yay, it's time for the computers to tell us what the two best teams in the country are. I can't wait.
The hottest 4-7 team...
The Kansas City Chiefs would like a word with you.
What's that? They've LOST 5 straight? Oh Ok.
McCown brothers combined for: 43/58, 5 TDs, 1 INT, 454 yards, 2 wins
Manning brothers combined for: 36/56, 5 TDs, 3 INTs, 483 yards, 2 wins
I'm a big fan of the symmetry here.
Considering that it was FOX, that was a fairly succinct explanation of the BCS this year.
Summation: "What the fuck happened here?"
Someone said it earlier today, but this would be the year that would have been best served by the old Bowl System - because Lord only knows what madness could have further happened then.
And we should see more of Charissa Thompson.
And much less of Jeanne Zelesko.
@balt: I think we can expect a late nite drunk post from the Headmaster, after he's finally about to get his head around ILL playing Pasadena.
The next question: Pasadena Pants-Party?
& following that: Will thestarterwife provide the eats? (After reading enough Friday Football Foodie columns, I say that we can only hope so.)
Lets get to it here Fox.
Justin Fargas also accepted the Cable Ace Award for Best New Show... old Starsky and Hutch's
Just tell me the damn match-ups, Fox!
Is there a demand for ten minutes of Barry Switzer filibustering?
@JB*: That was me. I mean, honestly, you could actually see 5 of the top 10 playing out of the top 10 schools. Upsets everywhere, and who knows who would play their way into the title?
Oh, and slightly off topic: Anyone else see Texas A&M blow a 20 point lead? That's just bad.
Don't insult us, Chris Rose, as if you don't know the results you're folks already prepared graphics for.
@JB*: Damn skippy.
ANNOUNCE IT ALREADY YOU DIM WITTED FUCKING REACH-AROUNDERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is Fox seriously going to milk this show for about 5 hours before showing us the results?
This whole BCS ordeal is so incredibly stupid, I'm at a loss for words.
@jose reyes.the roof:
How about a Maine pants party? Oh wait, I am the only commentor living in Maine.
+1 Allstate ad.
@Brazil Thrill: Did you honestly think it would take half an hour to announce 6 games?
@JB*: your. Damnit.
@Trot Nixons Hat: You are a wise individual. It would have been so much crazy fun.
please tell me they're not gonna announce this 1 fucking team at a time.....
We don't caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare, Fox. Just give us the damn results.
This is almost as bad as when Fox canceled Arrested Development.
Get to it.
@JB*: Thank you, thank you. I do miss the old style New Year's Day where you had no clue what the heck was going to happen at all.
But, we have the BCS, which is clearly better.
Colt Brennan gets more ass than a toilet seat. I think that blond is about to blow him.
Charles Davis, SHUT THE FUCK UP.
@Matt_T: We'll have to hear an a analysis on each team... then an analysis of how each team matches up.
Fucking profound, Barry. "Whoever is there will test them." No shit.
Yeah, this is enough grabassery. Thanks for reminding us all why we hate you, FOX.
I know the matchups, but I won't spoil it for anyone.
YOU HAVE TO BE SHITTING ME.
While we wait for the slow-ass announcements, anyone wanna name what the matchups would have been 15 years ago, Pre-BCS?
I got USC-OSU in the Rose, LSU-??? in the Sugar, OU-??? in the Fiesta, and WVU-VT in the Orange. Right?
@MrRedDevil: You're probably right, but is it just me or does he have more than a passing resemblance to Vanilla Ice?
And we have had an Urkel sighting on the sidelines at Pauley. Urkel is alive!
@JB*: Kentucky and FSU in the Music City, that should be a good one.
Fox is drawing out the inevitable conclusion.
Sugar Bowl: Hawaii vs. Katherine McPhee
@MrRedDevil: Seriously. And he's in a great place to be getting starting QB levels of ass.
@MrRedDevil: Isn't he officially the biggest sports figure in Hawaii? He's got a monopoly on all of the island's ass, right?
@TheNorvFace: You all talk like Boomhauer, no? Could be interesting.
Fox likes to drag this out, don't they? I'd rather watch the SNF pre-game than suffer through Fox's buffoonery.
nobody gives a fuck about the game changing performance of the year...CHRIST FOX
@Matt_T: I'm debating the trip right now. We have shutdown from the 23rd to the 3rd... so seems like a better way to spend the time than preparing for the move.
@Brazil Thrill: I'm sure the women who go for the hunky-chunkers prefer the Islands-native sumo pros.
@buttons: yes he does
@Disgruntled Goat: @Brazil Thrill: I bet his nick name is Pussy Magnet.
God I hate Fox. Just tell us who's playing in the fucking games.
I'm still legitimately shocked that the BCS didn't find a loophole to put Notre Dame in the championship.
Whats the over/under on time till fearless leader makes an appearance tonight?
@kbjone: Well, if we're talking 15 years ago, OU would still be in the Big 8, so they would go to the Orange Bowl, and WVU and VT would be in the Big East together, so they couldn't play in the same bowl.
/nitpicking
If I ever meet Chris Rose I'm gonna hit him right in the temple with the business end of a clawhammer.
@Encouraging Referee Pitman: what a hilarious and original joke you are
@Signal to Noise: I'd love to see a graph of the ratings per second of this steaming pile of shit. Probably looks like my GPA the first couple of years of college.
@Suss--: She wouldn't stand a chance against Colt.
Damned schools are abiding to some NCAA initiative and not posting the BCS bowls on their websites yet.
@Encouraging Referee Pitman: That's why this is taking so long. They're trying to figure out a way to get them in.